


the world has changed and you've changed too

by fairytalebarnes



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-30 07:21:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20093464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairytalebarnes/pseuds/fairytalebarnes
Summary: He allowed himself to cry, after everything he had gone through, he deserved that. He deserved much more than that.He reached over and picked up a pen and some paper. He couldn't face Steve but he had to say goodbye.





	the world has changed and you've changed too

Bucky couldn't face Steve, he just couldn't. He was sat on a chair, staring out of the window, the sun slowly setting in the background. This was the moment he had feared his entire life - he had lost Steve. Steve Rogers, his best friend - the love of his life - the man he followed into the jaws of death.

"I'm with you till the end of the line" - the words floated around in his head. The words he had spoke with such honesty, an expression of love. A promise to always be there for him no matter what. Now he was sure that he was the only one who meant those words.

Tears began to form in the corner of his eyes, threatening to fall. He felt weak - he didn't want to show his emotions - it was something he'd never been allowed to do as the Winter Soldier. The only time he'd ever been brave enough to be emotional since was with Steve - now he'd ruined that.

He allowed himself to cry, after everything he had gone through, he deserved that. He deserved much more than that.

He reached over and picked up a pen and some paper. He couldn't face Steve but he had to say goodbye.

_Steve,_

_I guess I thought I'd be okay with this. It's not like I wasn't expecting it. We've both missed out on such huge parts of our lives and you deserve to be happy. You deserve it more than anyone I know. But I don't know how I will find my happiness without you._

_I struggled to reconnect with the world, to find my place again. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be who I am today. You risked everything to save me, to bring me back to you._

_I never believed that I was worth all of that. I guess now I know that I wasn't. You wouldn't leave me if I was._

_I know you loved her. I saw the way you looked at her - I look at you the same way. I love you, Stevie, always have, always will. I think you know that by now. It was obvious, everyone said so. I've always wondered if you ever loved me too._

_I wasn't being realistic when I thought you might stay - I can't expect you to dedicate your whole life to me. I was never the one for you, as much as I wanted to be. And now you've hurt me - you were the one person I thought would never do that. But it's your life, who am I to judge what you do?_

_I know becoming Captain America changed your life, you became a different person but that wasn't your fault. They did that to you. Deep down I always hoped you would still be the same skinny blond that got beat up in alleyways in Brooklyn. _

_The world changed and you've changed too._

_You're not just leaving me though. What about Sam? He helped you find me - he doesn't deserve to be left after everything he's done for you. But we have each other now. We're going to find a way to carry on without you here. I don't know how long it will take me to adjust - I'd barely got used to having you back in my life._

_So the point of this letter is to say goodbye. You'll never understand how much you mean to me. I'm going to miss you more than you'll ever know._

_All my love,_

_Bucky_

He couldn't stop the tears from falling now. It was like a horrible nightmare, the ones he used to have after Hydra. They would threaten to take Steve away from him - tell him he was worthless - tell him Steve was gone - that he'd never come back for him.

The voices in his head wouldn't leave. He folded the piece of paper, placing it on the small table next to the bed.

Curling up in the blankets, he laid his head down on the pillow and stared at the ceiling. He wouldn't be sleeping tonight. He probably wouldn't be sleeping for a while now.

He closed his eyes and hoped that this would all be some horrible dream.

It wasn't


End file.
